Talking to Your Children About a Guardian Ad Litem
Short answer: Explain to your child, in simple terms, that a guardian ad litem is someone who helps the judge make sure kids are safe and cared for, that they can talk honestly, and that they are not in trouble and do not have to choose between parents. Avoid telling them what to say, and avoid discussing the case itself.
Children often worry when an unfamiliar adult asks about their family. How you talk about the guardian ad litem can make that experience feel safe instead of stressful.
What to say, by age
- Young children. "A helper is coming to meet you. Their job is to make sure kids are happy and safe. You can play and tell them about your day."
- School-age children. "There's a person who helps the judge learn about kids in families like ours. You can be honest with them, and you won't be in trouble for anything you say."
- Teenagers. "The court appointed someone to look out for your interests. They may ask how things are going. You can tell them what you think, honestly. You don't have to pick a side."
Messages every child needs
- You are not in trouble
- You do not have to choose between your parents
- Both parents love you
- You can tell the truth, including things that are hard to say
- Grown-ups will make the decisions, not you
Avoid coaching: Do not tell your child what to say, ask them to report what they said, or reward them for "good" answers. Children who are coached often show it, and it can seriously harm a parent's credibility with the GAL and the court.
After the meeting
Do
- Ask how they're feeling in general
- Keep routines normal
- Reassure them it went fine
Avoid
- Quizzing them about what they said
- Reacting with anger to anything they share
- Discussing the GAL's role in the case with them
The goal is a child who feels free to be honest, not a child who knows the right answers.
If your child is anxious
Some children benefit from talking with a counselor or therapist who is not involved in the case. A school counselor can also help. If your child is very distressed about meeting the GAL, let your lawyer know so the GAL can plan an approach that fits.
When to talk to a lawyer
Heather Harris Law helps Brevard County parents navigate guardian ad litem cases with the child's well-being in mind. See also protecting your children during a divorce.
Frequently asked questions
Can I sit in when the guardian ad litem talks to my child?
Usually not. GALs generally talk with children privately so they can speak freely.
Should I ask my child what they told the GAL?
No. Questioning a child about their conversation with the GAL can feel like pressure and may look like coaching.
What if my child tells the GAL something that isn't true?
Let your lawyer know. GALs gather information from many sources and are experienced in weighing what children say.
Heather Harris Law, 650 South Courtenay Parkway, Suite 101, Merritt Island, FL 32952. Call (321) 452-7055. Heather Harris spent thirteen years as an Assistant State Attorney before opening her practice and is licensed in Florida and Alabama. This article is general information, not legal advice, and reading it does not create an attorney-client relationship.